Mama, wife, sister, daughter, teacher. Some days I feel I'm not a good enough mom & wife. I worry about my children all the time & I fear my daughter may never outgrow her illness. I remember standing in the pediatric ICU at MGH watching doctors rush in & out while my baby girl struggled to breathe. I didn't know if she was going to make it through the night. I find motherhood to be all consuming. In this wonderful role, I am so lucky to have, I feel that I lose pieces of who I used to be. It's a challenge taking care of my baby girl while still being mom to my little guy. For the past 6 months we've spent our days in & out of the hospital, constantly hooking her up to her feeding tube, CPAP, oxygen at night & giving her breathing treatments. In the first few months I completely lost myself. I became severely depressed. I was heartbroken, scared, angry & anxious. I wasn't eating, sleeping or taking care of myself. I was letting her illness ruin me and it permeated into my relationships. But about 2 months ago I decided I had to pick myself up & rebuild. It was my choice to continue on barely surviving or to start truly living - enjoying my kids, husband & wonderful life despite Claire's health issues. I started seeing a therapist. I started making a conscious effort to care for myself by eating better, drinking more water & fitting in exercise. I am learning to live again. As difficult as it's been - I see that this has all made me stronger, more understanding & less judgmental. Success to me is appreciating what you have. Happiness comes from having people to love who love you back & doing things that excite you and make you feel whole. I'd tell a 12 year old me to stop caring what everyone thinks. That she is smart, strong & beautiful. To speak up - stop being so shy! In 10 years I hope my family is living a happy, healthy life. I hope to be a stronger better version of myself & I hope to be teaching again - making a difference in young lives. I believe in love, determination & growth. I am Jacqui & I love to smile.