Wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, planner, leader, budding entrepreneur. At times, I fear I'm missing the "it" I'm here on earth for. I worry about not having enough & barely making it in the end like I've seen so many do where I grew up. I fear mental illness taking over as it has for many women in my family. I was raised in a 2 parent household but my mom suffered with mental & physical illnesses. As the oldest, I often felt like I was in charge. Being a Mother was all my mom knew, her dreams were gone and she and my dad got to the point where they didn't even know each other as people. I see now how hard it is to balance it all as a mom. I've felt not good enough; that feeling is often accompanied by a need to prove that I am capable and worthy. That need to prove myself has been crippling at times. I used to feel like I would be able to conquer so much, but as I've gotten older self doubt has grown. I find myself doubting my potential career success, spiritual callings and even relationships. I find it harder to love my body as I age. I love my dimples, though. Many black women are taught to work harder, be quieter and hopefully that will ensure their financial & emotional survival. I've hung onto the old story that as a black woman from a poorer family its best for me to stay in the safe lane. My new story is screw the safe lane! Every moment in my life has led me to walk the path less traveled. At 39 I finally feel like I'm on the verge of leaping into my purpose - like God is saying get it girl! I’m so close to finding the inner strength I know is there. I wish there were more people building each other up & less demographic divide - whether race, gender or socioeconomic. To me, success is loving and giving as much as possible. Happiness is finding joy in all things; hard, easy and small. I wish we women walked with our heads higher, judged and gossiped less and complimented more. We really need each other as support, safety nets and to hold us accountable. In ten years I hope to be comfortable in my skin, living in my purpose & helping others on their journey. I'm Lanita and I'm proud of my tenacious spirit; it keeps me getting up and trying again.